The news we hear every day gets worse: more infections and deaths from the Coronavirus. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s all a hoax or being overblown or some government conspiracy, or you understand that this is real and you’re just dealing with life with COVID-19: either way, it’s stressful.
So now that we all acknowledge that we’re stressed, let’s talk about ways to deal with it. Like any twelve-step program will tell you, the first step to getting better is to understand that you need help! I’ll go first: I NEED HELP! And here’s my confession: what stresses me out is seeing other people stressed out- I want to help them and stop their suffering. Identifying that you’re stressed is the first step; the second is to name how you feel. What’s the flavor? What one word encapsulates how you feel? Helpless. I feel helpless in the face of others’ suffering. Here are other words that might describe how you’re feeling: sad, angry, mistrusting, scared.
The next step, once you’ve identified the word or words that describe your feeling, is to sit with that. (What? You must be kidding! Who wants to sit with a feeling they’re trying to avoid??) And therein lies the problem: when we’re experiencing an unpleasant feeling inside, we tend to stuff it away so we don’t have to feel it. Chocolate, alcohol and other substances are a good way to distract us from our feelings; so are bursts of anger that are actually hiding grief. Yes- I am saying that you’ll need to let that feeling surface and be felt and named. It’s like when you sit down with a person who’s been nitpicking at you and being passive aggressive to get your attention, and you say with compassion, “Hello. Tell me what’s going on with you?”, and that person bursts into tears and says, “I’m so scared!” When we’re present with that person, the truth comes out, doesn’t it? So, too, that stuffed feeling which you’ve been ignoring and avoiding will lose its power and juice when you see it, name it and listen to it.
This brings to mind something I once read: a story about a woman who faced her monster. This ‘monster’- a feeling that had been bugging her in a big way for a long time- got so strong that the woman felt she had to finally deal with it instead of shoving it. So she set up two chairs in her living room- one for her, and one for the monster. She sat in her chair, and imagined the monster in the other: spiky and hairy with horns and sharp teeth! She asked the monster an open-ended question, like “Tell me who you are”. Then she got up from her chair, sat in the monster’s chair, and channeled her inner monster. As the monster, she answered her own question: “I’m your fear.” She continued this process, moving in a thoughtful way back and forth from chair to chair, until that scary monster no longer looked so scary; it had lost its power over her when she listened to it.
So when I identify my feeling of helplessness, what can I do with it? It’s less about what to do to make it go away, and more about hearing what it has to say. I like to imagine a dialogue between my conscious and subconscious mind; I open my journal, start with an open-ended question like “Hello, feeling of helplessness; what’s going on?” I try to adopt a parental tone of love and comfort while I’m writing that question, and I write it with my dominant (for me, right) hand. Then I answer the question by writing with my left hand. Very messy handwriting, but it’s important to do so: the non-dominant side accesses your subconscious, especially if your intention is just that. Let the answer flow out of your non-dominant hand, regardless of how weird the words sound. Here’s an example of me journaling right here to my feeling of helplessness, tuning in to the conscious/subconscious, right side/left side:
******Right hand: Hello, little helplessness. I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. Please tell me about it. Left hand: I want to help, but I can’t! I don’t like to see people suffer… Right hand: I know. That’s really hard. Hmmm. Left hand: What can I do? Right hand: They are suffering. Can you just be with that, kind of like how I’m being with you? Left hand: I’m sad. Right hand: Yes. Let’s feel that sadness together. (At this point, there’s a feeling of expansiveness) Left hand: I’m glad you’re here. Thank you. Right hand: We’re here together. Hmmmm…. ******
This may feel kind of corny or psychobabble-y, yet this is the kind of intimate conversation we need to have within ourselves and with each other. The rubber has now met the road; don’t you think our circumstances beg us to enter into that kind of realness with each other? It’s at that level of truthfulness that real and important change can occur. But that’s another blog post.
I have not forgotten the title of this post: Restore Your Sanity. The above exercise is one way to get to your own authenticity; now let me introduce a few solidly helpful things that will shepherd you through tough times.
To calm your nervous system, stroke your arms lightly from shoulder to hand, preferably skin-on-skin; lightly stroke the hand; lightly place your hands on your cheeks and jaw and hold; place your palms over your eyes. Holding these pressure points with gradual and steady pressure and breathing slowly and deeply for about three minutes can help with frustration, irritation and emotional tension: Gates of Consciousness– put the palms of your hands over your ears with your fingers on the back of your neck; your middle fingers will be touching two points 2-3 inches apart. Letting Go- on the outer part of the upper chest (both sides), four finger widths up from the armpit and one finger width inward. Sea of Tranquility– on the center of the breastbone, three thumb widths up from the base of the bone. And of course, we all know that breathing is very important when trying to calm ourselves. Try this breathing meditation in any place you happen to be : close your eyes and imagine a calm place like the ocean, a forest or the comfy chair in your living room. Cross your arms over your body, and place your right hand on your left waist and your left hand on your right upper ribs. Slowly breathe in until your lungs feel comfortably full; hold that breath for 2 counts, then breathe out slowly for eight counts. Hold the breath again for 2 counts. Repeat a few times until you feel yourself calming down.
I hope this blog post has been helpful- because you now know my secret that I need to feel helpful!
soundheals 